Total Eclipse of the Heart

I created a Facebook quiz recently in which I asked the following question:

What is Suzie's all-time least favorite song?
a) The Macarena
b) Land of Confusion by Genesis
c) Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler
d) Oh Yoko by John Lennon
e) Here Comes your Man by the Pixies

Folks were seduced mainly by two answers. The generically and universally annoying '90s dance song The Macarena was a throw-away. Everyone hates that song, but it's hard to imagine a specificity that would elevate it to the rungs of one's all-time most hated, unless maybe you were a bartender in 1995 and were subjected to multiple playings every night on the house jukebox. It is certainly a top contender for annoying earworm songs, but it's not a song that chills me to my core.

Land of Confusion by Genesis was a more sophisticated answer for those who know me, as I've blogged about its irksome hold on my psyche numerous times, but it was a trick nonetheless. While it's not the historically most reviled in my memory banks, it does come in a close second.

Total Eclipse of the Heart, however, has been a song that has haunted me since my adolescence, and it's the song I'm most likely to tantrum about when it gets played in my vicinity. I hate Bonnie Tyler's cloying lyrical duel with the backup singer:

"Turn around," says he.
Every now and then I get a little bit (insert neurotic adjective here)," says she.

I hate its melodramatic atmosphere and general treacle. I hear this song every single motherfucking time I go to karaoke. I'm calling for a total eclipse of Total Eclipse of the Heart...except if you make a hilarious literal video for the song, in which the Macarena is also referred to:



Artist: Bonnie Tyler
Year: 1983
Rating: Stone-cold
Note: Oh Yoko and Here Comes Your Man are two of my all-time favorite songs, just so you know.